


I've Fallen For You (Again and Again)

by takeyourtimes



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-01-19
Packaged: 2019-03-06 15:58:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13414677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/takeyourtimes/pseuds/takeyourtimes
Summary: Prompt #98Title: I've Fallen For You (Again and Again)Rating: PG-13Word Count: 9,964Warnings: Mentions of Death, Mentions of Blood, Hints of Homophobia, Slight AngstSummary: Baekhyun has kept a secret from Jongdae for a very long time.Author’s Note: Hello everyone! Thank you for being interested enough in reading this work. It's been a long while since I've written so this work may be a bit awkward at times and I know many mistakes were made... Nonetheless, I really hope you enjoy! I'd like to thank the mods for creating this fest, it was one I've been waiting for and am glad to be a part of. Thank you as well to the prompter! This prompt caught my interest immediately and the story came to mind as soon as I read it. I hope this work is close to what you had hoped for.





	I've Fallen For You (Again and Again)

Crowded places were definitely something he hated. However, crowded places filled with humans could be slightly worse. And that’s exactly where he was now. The area was bustling with merchants and customers, townspeople and travelers. He shouldn’t have such towards humans considering what he was but he does and tries not to tell the others about it.

Why would he subject himself to things he dislikes? It could possibly be the human that has been wooing him without even knowing it. There’s no way the human could’ve known when all he’s ever done was watch from afar, like now. Just from watching he’s been enthralled by the human’s smile, his eyes, his demeanor. He’s content with just watching, waiting. For what? He did not know himself. 

Suddenly, the man’s eyes met his, widening with emotion.

Ah, he’s in love.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Jongdae, at times, can’t believe he was able to get himself such a heavenly boyfriend. At 20 years of age he’s never had a first love, though he has dated, but he can say with confidence that his current relationship could very much be that. Baekhyun, a honey-haired, sparkly-eyed, warm-feeling guy who had tugged on Jongdae’s heart from the moment they made eye contact.

Nothing had ever felt off with Baekhyun and he had always made Jongdae feel secure however at this moment Jongdae’s heart was currently tugging in terrified confusion because of him. He was staring at photobook in his lap that he had found on Baekhyun’s dorm bookshelf, while his boyfriend was showering, stuffed behind neatly organized course textbooks. It seemed to be made of leather, extremely worn out and tattered from age and constant usage, Jongdae guessed. The very first page was a drawn portrait of a man strikingly similar to Jongdae himself, the cheekbones, the curl of his lips, the wrinkles on his face as he smiled. It was captioned simply: 1297 Goryeo. Jongdae ran his fingers carefully ran his fingers over him, to keep from ruining something that looked old and fragile. The paper was yellowing, softening, and deterioration around the edges, but even so it seemed very well preserved, depicting the man perfectly. 

Jongdae’s hands were shaking with unease as he stared and touched at what seemed to be him. Normally, seeing what could be drawing of himself would have been fine but the picture had brought such an unwanted heavy feeling to his chest.

He froze once he heard the sound of running water cease. Jongdae knew that signaled the end of Baekhyun’s shower and he’d soon be finding him snooping around his room. Although that would be a normal occurrence, this time around Jongdae prefered not to be caught and thought it was best he didn’t, if the guilty and frantic feelings he was experiencing was anything to go by. Jongdae considered putting it back where he found it but he wanted to continue on past the eerie first page. An odd feeling of attachment was placed in Jongdae after seeing the beginning contents, only a taste of the mysterious book. After a quick glance at the bathroom door and a moment of hesitation, Jongdae stuffed the object in his bookbag. 

“Honestly,” Baekhyun began as he threw the door open, “that was the best shower I had in so long. Why is it so hot in the summer.”  

Jongdae’s boyfriend pouted at him, while ruffling his wet hair with a towel. His expression turned into confusion once he saw Jongdae sitting stiffly on the floor, which caused Jongdae to smile softly and force his body to relax, acting like nothing was amiss.

“Maybe because it’s summer,” He retorted.

Baekhyun’s face softened, only for him to roll his eyes at Jongdae. He walked to where Jongdae was sitting, right in the middle of the dorm floor, and gently kicked him with his foot before collapsing onto his unmade bed.

“What’s on your mind, love.” He pressed on.

Jongdae’s froze again before he sighed and stood up to lean over his splayed out boyfriend. Baekhyun reached forward and carded his fingers through Jongdae’s dark hair, humming at the feeling, and waited for an answer. The answer was a soft, fleeting, touch of lips before Jongdae pulled away.

“You worry too much,” Jongdae sighed, collecting his bag 

Baekhyun made a whining noise at the back of his throat. “You’re leaving?” 

Jongdae nodded as he bent to give one last kiss goodbye. He walked out the door trying not to focus on a sadly waving Baekhyun watching him leave. He knew if he stayed longer Baekhyun would definitely have him spill his guts. He was taking something from Baekhyun without his knowledge. Well, to Jongdae this act was more of curiosity and he would give it back, still without Baekhyun knowing.

As soon as his own door shut behind him, Jongdae sank to the ground and quickly shuffled his bag around his body, pulling the book out. The faster he looked through it the less of a chance Baekhyun would notice the absence of his hidden photobook. 

What was shown past the first page was more drawings and sketches of the first man, except in clothing ranging from different eras and origins, the dates and locations changing for each caption. The most surprising thing was somewhere in the middle a man looking like Baekhyun started appearing with the Jongdae-look-alike. Jongdae marveled at the two of them, feeling a connection. If Baekhyun had drawn these, it had felt like he had put his love into them and it was endearing to Jongdae. When he had turned the page once more, Jongdae had to throw the thought of Baekhyun being an artist out the window. 

The pictures were starting blend into real photographs as the timeline went on.  These were real people at actual times and places, he realized, and they all look like his lover and him. Jongdae could practically feel his heart thumping against his chest at that moment. Jongdae had many things running through his mind: why would Baekhyun have such a collection of pictures, was he obsessed with people who look like Jongdae, did he approach Jongdae because the people who looked like them were depicted together? 

The collection ended with the date 1981, leaving the photobook with dozens of unfilled pages. Jongdae flipped through them quickly to be sure that was the last picture, the pages brushing against his thumb as he let them fall. The cover made a dull thump as it landed on top of the first page, signaling the end of Jongdae’s snooping.

Sitting there, all Jongdae could think of doing to solve this mystery was simply ask Baekhyun. He couldn’t though, not without telling his boyfriend that he took the photo book without his knowledge. Baekhyun would definitely be angry because this book seemed to contain secrets. Well, secrets to Jongdae. However, he couldn’t just ignore it, not with the turmoil it was creating in his head. He could already see this very book and its contents bursting into his mind like a flooded damn every time he was going to be with Baekhyun. Even when he won’t be with Baekhyun, the back of his mind will be wondering about these pictures and why his boyfriend had them.

With a heavy sigh, Jongdae stuffed the book back in his bag and brought himself up to stand. He threw it to the foot of his made bed and decided to put it back when the opportunity arose. Asking Baekhyun though, that would have to wait a bit longer. Jongdae was more afraid of the answer he would get in return rather than it causing Baekhyun to be upset at him. 

When the time is right, Jongdae told himself, settling his feelings and thoughts out. Jongdae nodded to himself, coming to that conclusion, and decided maybe it was time for his own shower. He needed to wash his nerves and worries away, along with the summer sweat Baekhyun had been complaining about earlier. After grabbing a set of comfort clothes and a towel, Jongdae was ready to push this problem to the back of his mind.

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Jongdae, love.”

Jongdae was pulled from his slumber, shaking as a hand pushed him back and forth gently. He made a humming noise to signal that he wasn’t sleeping anymore, though his mind was still hazy and his eyes weren’t open. 

There was a deep, light chuckle near his ear. “Do you have my laptop charger that you borrowed.” 

A hand through his hair. Jongdae leaned towards the touch, feeling and knowing it was Baekhyun. No one else felt like him, warm and comforting in all the right ways to Jongdae.

“Um,” Jongdae was opening his eyes slightly, “in my bag, I think.”

“Okay.” The hand vanished. “Sleep some more, you can’t even keep your eyes open.”

Baekhyun was right, of course. Jongdae was trying but every time he opened them, they fluttered closed only seconds later. Their all nighter they pulled so that Jongdae could finish his English essay had just ended hours ago. How Baekhyun could manage just fine without sleep was a mystery to Jongdae. They had spent their time in some cafe they stumbled in while looking for a place that would suit their late night, and early morning, school activities. They had chosen a place out of their dorms because they both knew Jongdae would easily fall asleep in the comfort of a bedroom. Jongdae had realized after some time that he had forgot his charger and thankfully Baekhyun had his with him. After mumbling about some class he hated, Baekhyun announced his departure around 8am, leaving Jongdae with the charger that is now sitting in his bag.

Jongdae blinked once, opening his eyes fully. He quickly hoisted himself up to stop Baekhyun’s search but it was too late. Baekhyun was kneeling there in front of Jongdae’s open bag, the photobook held in his hands.

“Is this…?” Baekhyun began, his delicate fingers now caressing the spine. He looked up at Jongdae, eyes wide and filled with confusion.

Jongdae swallowed loudly, not answering, and looked down at Baekhyun’s hands tracing the book. What was he supposed to say? Yes, that’s your book I swiped about two weeks ago, sorry for not giving it back before you noticed. Jongdae wasn’t that stupid. However, he wasn’t clever enough to form a sentence at the moment.

“Jongdae,” Baekhyun’s voice was a careful whisper, “did you look through this? Why do you have it?”

“Um, sorry.” 

“For what?” Still a gentle voice.

“For finding that, taking it, looking through it, not telling you about it…” Maybe Jongdae was that stupid after all. His voice was rushed and dripping of guilt. He couldn’t tell if Baekhyun was mad or not by his small voice and he couldn’t bring himself to look up and check. He was fully expecting the anger and was shocked when his boyfriend let out a soft laugh and he sees those delicate hands brushing up his thighs, squeezing slightly. 

“This is the first time you’ve seen this,” Baekhyun said. “How do I hold myself back now, love?”

Looking up, Jongdae only saw Baekhyun’s face drawn in sadness. Baekhyun rested his forehead against the other, their hair tangling and brushing. His hands made their way up to Jongdae’s face, cradling it.

“Hey, Jongdae, want to hear a story?”

Jongdae, in his confused state, could only respond with a breathless, “Sure.”

Baekhyun hummed, collecting the storyline in his mind. He traced circles on the skin of Jongdae’s cheeks with his thumbs until he was ready and pulled back with excited eyes. Baekhyun moved to sit on the bed, against the wall, and Jongdae followed. Their thighs were touching slightly, pressing into each other when one of them moved. Baekhyun had his head thrown back against the wall and Jongdae turned to stare at him. He looked beautiful, the warm sun coming through the blinds and striking him as it set. He glowed, golden hair and eyes.

“Once a very, very long time ago,” Baekhyun began in a stereotypical storybook way, “a man, no not a man, an angel was simply wandering and watching the world, at times from above and other times from up close. This angel was never really fond of humans, feeling and seeing no reason why he needed to watch over them.” 

Jongdae had no idea where this story was going, he didn’t even know why Baekhyun was telling one to begin with. What did all of this have to do with the photobook? Jongdae let Baekhyun continue on though, curious as to where this was going. 

Baekhyun’s eyes were unfocused, thinking as went on. “The angel was staying in place for a short while, just to observe, but it didn’t stay that way for long. His gaze had fallen upon a lovely human who he couldn’t seem to keep his mind off of. Soon after discovering this human, the angel began placing himself in that world, interacting with the humans, easily putting himself in their lives without them even knowing it. The angel was know someone they all knew, a family friend, a respected artist, a known being. He did this all to be closer to the human he had his eyes on and it worked wonderfully.”

“The two of them got along extremely well,” Baekhyun hummed, eyes now twinkling. “Though they only met sporadically, emotions beyond friendship developed rapidly. It was a secret romance full of playful banter, mischievous rendezvouses, and hidden touches. However, the secret began leaking bit by bit.”

Jongdae watched as Baekhyun’s face began dropping and the rest of him became rigid. It seemed that the story was reaching an unpleasant climax.

“The human came from a prestigious and wealthy family and they weren’t exactly pleased with the rumors that surrounded one of their own.” Baekhyun spat out these words, almost like he was forced to say them. “He was supposed to marry a woman they had chosen, thinking that marriage was the best way to get rid of all the talk. Meetings and promises between the human and angel became harder to fulfill as time passed.”

Baekhyun swallowed audibly. “The human was still defiant against his family's wishes, even without his angel lover. The situation got out of control rapidly and before the angel could save him, the human’s life was taken.”

Jongdae’s heart began beating quickly when the last line was spoken. He couldn’t even imagine the thoughts and feeling the two had experienced. An ache from deep within spread through his body and a dull pull forming in the back of his mind made Jongdae uncomfortable.

“When the angel pulled himself out of the human world, no longer wanting to stay without his lover, he had discovered from other angels that his human wasn't supposed to die. That his early death had been caused by the angel himself and the heavens were not pleased in the slightest.”

At this point in the story, the glow from outside was gone and was replaced by darkness. Jongdae didn’t know exactly when the sun had gone away completely and only noticed because the slight moonlight enhanced the atmosphere around Baekhyun. His entire body was sagging, his head hung low, and a feeling of gloom radiated from him. He still looked beautiful to Jongdae. 

“The heavens had decided to take the angels wings away and cast him back to the human world. He became a fallen angel. He spent years and years grieving, blaming himself, and just wandering about to wherever his feet led him. Thirty-six years after the loss, a miracle appeared in his life. The human. The same human who he had first fallen in love with, the same human he had killed, the same human who had left him. The angel was in disbelief after the first re encounter and denied that it was even him. That was until an angel friend had told him that the heavens had granted the human life once more, a chance for him to live to the fullest. However, the fallen angel had been warned to stay away from the human and let him live freely.

Baekhyun laughed bitterly. “But, the angel didn’t listen. How was he supposed to when the love of his entire being was thrust right back into life? In the end, it happened again. The human had left him once again. And again, and again, and again. For centuries the fallen angel searched for his human, always hoping that things would change. The fallen angel believed that in one lifetime things would be different. Why? Of course it was because every one of the human’s reincarnations always found him. To him, it was fate constantly bringing them together. No matter how painful each loss was, the fallen angel would always do it over and over for his human to feel their love once more.”

“There was a point that the fallen angel couldn’t take it anymore, the pain of the most recent death taking a toll on him. It was then his angel friend had told him of the deal the heavens had for him. If their love really was fate, they would let the human live if, and only if, he could recall their first love.” There was a soft smile on Baekhyun’s lips. “The fallen angel was given real hope.” Clearing his throat, Baekhyun straightened himself out. “That’s it,” he mumbled shyly.

To Jongdae the story didn’t seem to be over but that could have been due to Baekhyun’s storytelling skills, or lack thereof. He nodded slowly, unable to articulate what he was feeling from what was articulated anyway. Baekhyun turned towards him, not seeing it, and his face became one of shock. Jongdae didn’t know why he was being stared at like that until he felt wetness drip from his chin. He was crying.

“Uh, huh?” He quickly moved to wipe his tears with his wrists. 

“Jongdae.” That soft voice from earlier. Baekhyun’s hands returned to Jongdae face, pushing his arms away, and started rubbing circles on Jongdae’s face once again. “Why are you crying, love?”

“I...I don’t know.” He really didn’t but for some reason the story had made a complete mess of his thoughts and emotions that he didn’t even know what he was feeling. 

Baekhyun let out a breath. “I know you don’t. Oh, how I wish you did.”

“Baekhyun?” He left Jongdae feeling just plain confused every time he spoke.

“It’s nothing,” his boyfriend sighed. “Let’s get you to your dorm, yeah? You’re probably exhausted.”

He had long forgotten about his fatigue, but went along with Baekhyun when he pulled him off the bed. The walk back to Jongdae’s floor was quiet, other than the sound of his own sniffling, and Baekhyun led the way by keeping their hands tightly clasped behind him. The halls were still filled with people, it was still early in the night after all, but most paid them no mind.

Baekhyun simply pecked Jongdae goodbye at his door, comforting him a bit before leaving. Jongdae’s roommate Junmyeon was home for once and was alarmed at his puffy red eyes that he displayed after turning away from the shut door.

“Are you okay?” Genuine concern dripped from his voice as he shot up off his bed.

Jongdae laughed shyly and lifted his hands to fight off his roommates oncoming frantic hands. “I’m fine. I just got overly emotional over some...stuff. I think I’m lacking sleep.”

Junmyeon nodded, knowing Jongdae had returned this morning only to leave for class immediately after. His understanding didn’t stop him from fussing over Jongdae till his blankets were pulled up to his chin half an hour later. Even then, he had only stopped because of a text he received that easily pulled him to some other place on campus. He had hurriedly told Jongdae to rest well before he shut their door behind him.

With Junmyeon gone, the room was darkness and silence that left him alone with his swirling and tangling thoughts. The story Baekhyun told was replaying in his mind and it wouldn’t stop. It kept his mind alive for hours before exhaustion finally pulled him away.

He dreamt of a secret romance full of playful banter, mischievous rendezvouses, and hidden touches that would be forgotten by the time morning came.

  
  
  
  
  
  


When Jongdae had woken up, he realised that Baekhyun never told him what that photobook was. He had been swept up in the story and his own burst of emotions to actually push any questions. That had bothered him because normally he would’ve been perfectly fine, not being one to easily cry. There’s also the fact that Jongdae wouldn’t have let himself walk away without anything being answered now that Baekhyun knew he had seen his book. He really wasn’t himself in that moment.

Baekhyun’s story was now also settling eerily in Jongdae’s mind and it was making him feel extremely unsettled. After all, he had been told about a fallen angel constantly dating a human’s reincarnations after he discovered that book filled with decades of lookalikes. The story along with those pictures were clicking in Jongdae’s mind in a way he wished wasn’t true. The thoughts he going through his head were absolutely impossible to be real but every single thing just pointed in an inevitable direction.

He and his boyfriend were the main characters in Baekhyun’s story.

“Am I crazy?” Jongdae scoffed at his thoughts, throwing the blankets off himself and sitting up.

“I’d say you are. Why are you talking to yourself first thing in the morning?” Junmyeon’s voice was unexpected and caused Jongdae to startle. His roommate was leaning on their shared desk, sipping quietly at the coffee in his hands. He chuckled slightly at Jongdae’s sudden alertness. “You know you don’t live alone, so I don’t know why you constantly get surprised by my presence.”

“Maybe it’s because you don’t have a presence.”

Junmyeon made an unimpressed noise.

“When did you get back last night?” Jongdae remembers the hastiness of his roommates departure and wondered if it was something important that would’ve kept him out long. Especially because Jongdae himself fell asleep around 2.

“Hm,” Junmyeon hummed and set his mug down. “Probably around 4am.”

“And you’re up right now? It’s,” Jongdae checked his phone that rested near his pillow, “8am! When did you sleep?”

“I didn’t”

Jongdae huffed. “And you said I’m the crazy one.”

“Why are acting like you didn’t stay up the other night?”

The younger boy fell back on his pillow. “Shut up.”

Jongdae heard his roommate push off the desk and open the window above it. A morning chill quickly seeped into the room.

“It feels like the summer weather is already leaving us.” Junmyeon mindlessly noted.

“It’s already September.” Jongdae replied.

Junmyeon sighed. “It’s September? That’s right! It’s the 19th.” The older roommate made a surprised noise. “Your birthday is in two days, isn’t it? You’ll be 21…wow, time flies.”

“You sound like an old man.”

Junmyeon laughed. “Maybe I do.” 

“That wasn’t a compliment.” Jongdae sat up once again, only to childishly stick his tongue out at his roommate.

“The older you are, the wiser you get.” Junmyeon replied. The brown haired boy picked his mug up once more and went back to sipping at it.

Jongdae couldn’t help but think that his roommate was an old man while watching him drink his coffee and gaze at the morning through the window. 

“You’re no fun.”

Jongdae finally left his bed and stretched. He began collecting the necessities he needed to face his day, placing them on his unmade bed one by one.

“Are you going to see Baekhyun today?” Once again, Junmyeon’s voice scared Jongdae.

That’s right, Jongdae thought. He had been occupied talking with his roommate, and now preparing for the day, that he nearly forgot his problem. Well, it wasn’t a problem. It was an imaginary ordeal Jongdae made and is fussing over on his own.

“Why are you asking…?” 

“Just wondering.” Junmyeon mused. 

Jongdae wouldn’t have been bothered by the question if it was a normal thing for his roommate to ask but it wasn’t. If Jongdae wasn’t in their room, Junmyeon naturally assumed his roommate was either in class or with Baekhyun. He never asked what he was doing throughout the day, letting Jongdae have his space because they were roommates and not a parent and child. He let Jongdae tell him about his day whenever he felt like talking about it, not by prodding into his business by asking. Junmyeon was someone who kept his arms open to others and didn’t push or pull.

“I don’t know.” Jongdae lamely answered. Though, it was the truth. He didn’t know if he wanted to avoid Baekhyun or confront him. “I have class and so does he.”

Junmyeon opened his mouth, wanting to say something before he let it go with a sigh. “I see.” 

Junmyeon didn’t push or pull.

Jongdae did avoid Baekhyun that day. It wasn’t hard at all considering the fact that Baekhyun didn’t try to look for him either. They went the whole day without any contact whatsoever, it wasn’t a first for them but it weighed on Jongdae’s mind because it was done intentionally. Junmyeon wasn’t in their room when Jongdae returned after finishing his daily tasks and he was strangely relieved by that. 

It wasn’t until Jongdae was completely immersed in his homework that his phone lit up. The room itself had gotten dark before he knew it and the phone’s screen shining brightly across his face brought a sudden fatigue with the realization of the time. He stretched in his chair, clasped hands reaching for the ceiling, before he grabbed his phone. It was from Baekhyun. 

_ Want to hang out tomorrow night?  _ The text message began.  _ I want to be the first to wish you happy birthday at midnight.  _

The guilt from avoiding Baekhyun came crashing back as Jongdae realized that perhaps his boyfriend wasn’t avoiding him at all and his actions were all one-sided. Jongdae wondered if his boyfriend knew he was being avoided. He could’ve never known and had decided to text Jongdae normally or maybe the text was to break Jongdae’s silence. Either way, Jongdae knew he couldn’t ignore Baekhyun more than he already has, not with guilt gnawing at him once again. The black haired boy sighed and thought that he should stop doing troublesome things so often.

_ I’ll be there at 8.  _

  
  
  
  
  
  


Jongdae had been standing in front of Baekhyun’s door and memorizing the wood patterns for a good ten minutes before he could muster enough courage to knock and announce his arrival. Prior to getting to Baekhyun’s dorm, Jongdae had also stalled with time as much as he could be it by dressing slowly, doing and redoing his hair, and even simply just sitting around in a daze. So much time was pushed that it was currently almost an hour after the said meeting time.

Today Jongdae was not going to push away his questions and would bring up his angel theory. His boyfriend may laugh in his face for connecting those unrelated dots or he could confirm Jongdae’s suspicions, both options were scary in different ways. 

Baekhyun’s ever angelic face lit up as soon as his eyes found Jongdae, almost like they didn’t have plans to meet and this was a surprise visit. The honey colored boy often reacted like every time he saw Jongdae was an unbelievable treat. 

“I was wondering when you’d show yourself.” Baekhyun smirked, pulling Jongdae in by his hand.  

The door clicked audibly behind them and Jongdae swallowed. “I can’t be fashionably late?” He forcefully joked. “Isn’t this a celebration of sorts for  _ my _ birthday?”

Baekhyun rolled his eyes, plopping down on his bed. “Yes, but this isn’t a party. I’d appreciate if my guest of honor was on time.” He patted his white comforter, signalling Jongdae to sit next to him. “We have a lot to cover.” 

Now was the time Jongdae thought would be good to make the big jump. Actually, for Jongdae, things were always now or never.

“Like angels?” He breathly let out as he sat. He could feel his insides now trembling with nerves.

The honey colored boy’s mouth formed a shocked ‘o’, it was cute. The expression only lasted a second before a teasing smile replaced it. “What about angels?”

“I don’t know,” Jongdae wavered. He was trying to figure out if that smile was mocking or not. “What about them?”

Baekhyun threw his head back, his laugh throaty. “You brought them up, though.” 

“I’m pretty sure you did.”

The older’s eyes twinkled, he was amused. “Did I?”

Jongdae whined from his throat. He wasn’t going to outright say what he wanted to, in fear of being laughed at, but Baekhyun seemed to have an idea what was on Jongdae’s mind with his current playfulness. “Baekhyun...do you, like, have something to say?”

Baekhyun turned his body to face the other and pulled his legs in to a crossed position. “Hmm. Depends. Do you really want to know?”

“About what?” Jongdae mimicked his movements, leaving them face to face.

The teasing look was still present. “Whatever you wanted to know.”

Both of them were a bit stubborn and Jongdae knew they wouldn’t get to where he wanted if neither of them gave leeway. Now or never.

“Are you an angel?” His voice was shaking.

The look in Baekhyun’s eyes flashed to shock and his mouth fell open once again. He wasn’t expecting Jongdae to take that jump so quickly. This flustered state because of his question was a lot better than being laughed at and it eased some of the turmoil in Jongdae’s chest.

“Why are you asking?” The honey colored boy swallowed noticeably even without an adam’s apple.

Jongdae groaned and nearly threw himself backwards to sprawl on his back. “You put the idea into my head the other day. It’s all I’ve been thinking about and I’ve been trying to distract myself with school work and I even avoided you yesterday. Did you notice that I was? I felt so silly thinking that maybe you were an angel but I also was scared that maybe you really are.” He knew that he was starting to ramble but he was fine with it, he was letting all his thoughts out into the open when he had been pushing them back this whole time. “I knew that I would definitely have to ask you the moment I faced you again, I mean, you told me about that story for a reason, right? God, that story. Please, please don’t tell me I’m the human in that story and I keep on dying. It has to be me, right? After all, those pictures in that book have me in it! That’s so fucked, oh my god.”

"Sorry it's so fucked." Baekhyun mumbled.

"So, you aren't gonna deny it? God. Oh my god." Jongdae felt his chest tighten once again.  He flipped himself over so his face was buried in the covers, for a second he thought of muffling a scream in them.

"Deny what? I left everything out in the open, Jongdae. The photo album was an accident, I was careless, but the rest I willingly let you in on." 

Jongdae huffed into the covers as a response. He really should sit up, as he was starting to feel a bit suffocated, but opted to turning his head towards the wall instead.

Baekhyun sighed when he realized his lover didn't want to face him. "You've always ran away from your problems." 

"Problems are too troublesome to face." Jongdae replied. He felt his boyfriend tug on his shirt then his waist to hoist him upright. 

"You make it even more so when you just ignore it, love. I've known you for a long time and I know you just let it eat at your mind." Baekhyun fussed over Jongdae as he talked, finally returning him to his crossed position in front of him. "I bet your brain is just whirling around in that head of yours and has been for days now." 

Jongdae's shoulders slumped as he sighed. "Then, ease my mind a bit? 

The honey blond perked up at Jongdae finally showing he was willing to listen. "What do you want to know?" 

"You're...really an angel, right?"

"Fallen."

"But an angel?" Jongdae just wants to be sure.

Baekhyun nodded, eyes wary yet excited.

"Am I going to die?" Finally, the biggest weight on Jongdae's mind came forward.

His eyes dulled and Jongdae's heart fell. He was going to die.

"When?" The shakiness in Jongdae's voice didn't go unnoticed by either of them.

Baekhyun looked as if he didn't want to cover this part of the problem at all. Jongdae almost wanted to laugh seeing his boyfriend now being the one wanting to run. 

“You've always died at 21..."

The urge to laugh vanish completely and dread begins to slither throughout Jongdae's body. "I'm...my birthday is in a few hours. I turn 21, Baekhyun! You're just telling me this now?"

The other flinches. "It's not like you knew about any of this until recently! Was I supposed to say 'hey, I know you'll die at 21 if we date but hey I'm Baekhyun' when we met?" 

"Maybe, I don't know," Jongdae huffs back, angry that this big secret was kept from him this entire time. "Or maybe not approach me at all? Let me live?" 

The angels eyes flashed with anger. "Like I haven't tried? What am i supposed to do when you ALWAYS show up in front of me? When YOU approach me? There's never been a lifetime you haven't appeared before me. Do you think I like seeing you dying all the time? Like this is some sick twisted game I do for fun? This curse is mine just as much as it is yours!" 

"You're not the one dying." Jongdae couldn't keep the bitterness out of his voice.

"I was never alive to begin with." Baekhyun shot back. "I was a being that just existed without reason until I met you. That sound so cheesy, I know." Jongdae was already rolling his eyes at his statement. "I'm neither alive nor dead, I exist solely to watch over humans but I couldn't care less for them. I've never experienced death, but I know for a fact that every time you leave me...that feeling is as close as I'm going to get. You're part of who I am, Jongdae, I need you."

Jongdae's heart was thundering in his chest, he really didn't know what to think anymore. Without a doubt, Baekhyun was part of him as well. Time and time again they have been brought together and each time Jongdae has fallen in love with him. There was an extremely natural pull between, maybe supernatural if fate had a hand in their relationship. Jongdae has died many times because he himself never fails to want Baekhyun without even knowing about their past and that scared him. If he dies, his next life will most likely share the same fate no matter what he says or does in this moment in time. No, not if he dies, WHEN he dies. It was far too late to not chose Baekhyun. 

Jongdae knows he loves Baekhyun. He wants Baekhyun. It's crazy to even think that he's completely fine dying for Baekhyun. His only second thought was if Baekhyun was fine with him always leaving, after all, there was no definite end to their misfortune. Yes, they were given a way for it to be over with but there's no way to actually make it happen. 

Watching the nervous fallen angel in front of him, fidgeting from his silence, Jongdae's heart almost breaks thinking about constantly leaving the man he loves alone, over and over again. 

Jongdae cleared his throat and hesitated before he spoke. "You're...fine with me? After all my deaths? Even if I never remember about us and continue to die? "

His boyfriend suddenly became lit with determination. "I'll always want you." His answer was definite, solid and sure.

"Even after all this time?"

"Jongdae, you have never changed. You're likes and dislikes have changed as eras come and go but you're personality and things you're passionate about have always stayed with you." Baekhyun smiled at him. "Did you know in your last life you preferred disco rather than the now classic rock."

Jongdae faced scrunched together in confusion and doubt.  "You're lying."

The air was less stiff with the now passing argument, being dispersed by Baekhyun's playful banter.

"I'm not!" The angel threw his hard back in laughter, it was hearty and full. For Jongdae, it was nice to see and hear after seeing him so serious. When he looked back at Jongdae it was with so much affection in his eyes it made him blush and squirm where he sat. "I love getting to know you in every lifetime."

Warmth bursted through Jongdae and spread all the way down from the top of his head to the tip of his toes so quickly he almost shivered. He was certain this wasn't a mistake, death or not, he wanted Baekhyun with his entire being. Jongdae wanted to know him in every lifetime too, even if he can't remember. There was nothing stopping him now that he knew Baekhyun felt the same. He leaned forward and wrapped his hands at the nape of Baekhyun's neck, bringing their foreheads together.

"My angel," he breathed.

The other shuddered noticeably and Jongdae saw his eyes flicker wildly. Before he could comment, Baekhyun closed the gap and Jongdae gasped at the sudden touch of their lips.

Baekhyun showed no restraint, letting his hands wander and lips unrelenting on his lover. To Jongdae it was dizzying and unbearable in the best way. However, he wanted more from the other. He uncrossed his legs and dragged himself onto Baekhyun's own, opening his mouth wider, inviting him to do as he pleaded. Hands brushed his face softly before they roughly cupped it, bringing him even closer. 

Jongdae brought his own hands to thread through Baekhyun's golden hair before tugging on it causing the other to moan deeply. He tugged once again, harder, and Baekhyun fell back, pulling Jongdae down with him. Jongdae nearly bit the angel's tongue on impact with the bed. He sat up, the angel still caged between his thighs, and examined him. Baekhyun's hair was spread around him like a halo, cheeks flushed a pretty pink. Although he looked pretty, his eyes were a storm with thoughts that were anything but tame. His hands began to slowly run up Jongdae's thighs, squeezing with every inch they moved. Jongdae was visibly trembling from his lust as it spiked with every moving inch, every squeeze. Baekhyun tugged at the belt loops at Jongdae's waist.

"Come here." His voice was deep and hoarse, it almost brought Jongdae to fall on top of him when he moved to comply with his command. Baekhyun easily flipped them and had the black haired boy trapped between his arms and legs. The space between them was warm and electric, their breath mixing with each exhale. "Can we...?"

Jongdae nodded a little to eagerly and it caused the other to chuckle. He wasn't going to be against doing anything with Baekhyun at that moment. If this was in fact his last hours of living, he wanted it to be spent with Baekhyun, to him it didn't matter what they did. At this very second they could stop this from escalating and just stare into each other eyes for the rest of his time and he would be just as okay with that. 

However, Baekhyun was very clear with wanting to escalate this when he popped the button of Jongdae's jeans open. The angel pulled on the jeans while Jongdae lifted his lower half and wiggled, trying to help. Baekhyun was laughing at his boyfriends movements and the mood shifted into a softer atmosphere. 

There was no more urgency fueled by lust in their touches, it was now filled gentle with love and affection. From beginning to end, Baekhyun was unbelievably gentle in his touches. They felt as if he was barely touching Jongdae at all, almost teasing him in a way. It kept his body on fire and caused him to jump at every little contact of skin. Baekhyun knew his body very well and it almost upsetting to Jongdae how easily he could bring him to his end even when he was being so affectionate with his actions. Perhaps it was those feelings themselves that brought the two of them to be at each other's mercy, the love felt between them as they tangle and undo. The muffled and unheard "I love you's" into Jongdae's hair, the hands constantly seeking Baekhyun the moment he pulls away, and the two hearts pounding together. They felt it.

"Happy birthday, love."    
  
  
  
  
  
  


Jongdae didn't know where he was. A moment ago he was laying with Baekhyun in his bed and now he's... nowhere. All around him was a fuzzy black, unlike darkness it was almost like a fog. It was thick yet had such a hollow feeling to it. 

Was he dreaming? Was he dead? 

"...ello..." 

The distant voice suddenly startled Jongdae, visibly jumping. He whipped his head around to see if someone was around. It was impossible to tell with the dark fog.

"...khyun...name?" 

Another voice. This time it was louder and it was distinguishable, it sound like his boyfriend.

The fog was beginning to feel less heavy and Jongdae could swear he can see scenery begin to blur around him. The sound of bustling people suddenly faded in quickly and the scenery was no longer blurry around the edges but solid and clear around him. A market place? An old one at that, Jongdae had guessed by the dirt at his feet and the products on display.

"I asked for your name." 

Jongdae whipped his body around to face the voice. There was a person in front of him. No, not only in front of him, all around him were people. They were loud and moving one way or the other around him and the man facing him. Jongdae was suddenly surrounded. 

"Jongdae..." He felt himself say. Except he didn't say it himself, he was in too much of flustered state to say something. It was almost as if his mouth and vocal chords worked on their own.

The man smiled slightly. Then it hit him, this is Baekhyun. His lip mole more than anything gave it away to Jongdae but looking closer at him there was no doubt about it. It was Baekhyun... in traditional clothing? 

"Nice to meet you, Jongdae."

Jongdae abruptly felt as if the ground below him fell through and took him with it, it was like first drop of a rollercoaster. He was back in the fog. 

"It will be fine, love."

Jongdae quickly turned towards the voice, it was almost instinct to respond to Baekhyun. Once again everything around him was different than when he was facing the other way. The change happened so fast it was almost nauseating. 

They were in a room, alone. Baekhyun was sitting, drawings splayed and scattered all around him. He was still in the same clothing. He also noticed Baekhyun had black hair, unlike the one he knows.

"Love?" Jongdae felt himself ask.

Baekhyun began gathering the papers. "Mm. You are lovely, captivating. I might love you, really." 

"You say those kind things to men?" Jongdae felt his cheeks burning, involuntary. He couldn't believe those words came out of his mouth, being gay himself. 

"Only if I fancy them." 

Everything dropped once more and the scene was gone. The moments are so brief it's hard for Jongdae to really grasp what's happening. Though he did catch Baekhyun's intense gaze before everything went away. It made him shiver in what felt like anticipation, it gave the feeling of being wanted. 

"Just give in." A whisper right behind him, almost in his ear.

He was ready this time and steadied himself, physically, before spinning around. He was slightly dizzy but the nausea wasn't present now.

Baekhyun stood before him, staring into his eyes, pleading. 

One quick look around and Jongdae noticed the were in a place with heavy greenery, maybe a forest, secluded. 

"I know you love me. YOU know you love me, why are you lying to yourself." The angel's voice was louder now and ringed desperation. 

"I..." Jongdae began, feeling his mouth work. "Baekhyun, I can not. We can not."

"Why?" 

"I need to marry!" Jongdae shouted, surprising himself. "Have a family and keep my lineage on top along with my brother." 

Baekhyun purses his lips. "Did your father hear the rumors?" 

"Does it matter?" Jongdae's shoulders slumped.

"If it is keeping you from me, yes it does matter." The angel's jaw locked and he finally looked away from Jongdae to stare at a random shrub. In this moonlight, Baekhyun looked just like the time when he had told Jongdae their story. 

Jongdae felt himself look up at the moon peeking above the treetops. "I do love you." 

From his peripheral vision he saw Baekhyun's head whip towards him. Then, saw the angel coming to throw himself at Jongdae, tackling him. 

Jongdae didn't feel the impact of the fall. Instead, once more he was brought back to the black nothingness.

“You are a disgrace!” An unknown voice thundered through the void. It was deep and strongly furious that it almost made Jongdae scared just to hear it.

The scenery changed without Jongdae needing to turn around. There was no fading in, it was almost as if his surroundings went ‘pop’ and appeared instantly. 

It was still night, judging by the darkness apart from the lit candles. An unknown room wrecked and littered with everyday items and trinkets, some broken and shattered, now was before Jongdae’s eyes. In the middle of the seemingly intended mess was a man. He was sturdy looking, gruff, bearded, and angry. For some reason this man had Jongdae wanting to back away and run but he was stuck right were he was, unable to control himself once again. 

“You are not ashamed of what you have been doing?” The man boomed. “That you are tainting this family’s reputation?” 

Jongdae was shaking where he stood but didn't move. “There is nothing for me to be ashamed of.” 

The man roughly kicked the small table at his feet, knocking it over onto its side, and stormed his way towards Jongdae now that is no longer between them. “Nothing?” 

Jongdae felt his right foot stutter back for a second before he stood his ground once again. “Absolutely nothing.” 

Hot and disgusting was the breath he could feel coming from this man standing with his face just above Jongdae’s. He was so close and the proximity was throwing his insides everywhere in fear. “Then you do not deserve the privilege of life as a son of this family.” 

Jongdae swallowed. “Are you banishing me from here? From the family?” 

“Why would I have you living out in the world when people could trace you back here?” His voice was cold.

Cold. 

Jongdae’s body was so cold. There was no pain whatsoever but he felt the blood, warm and hot as it fell. It was as if the blood was taking the heat and life from his body as it flowed and dripped from him. He couldn't see, everything was so disorienting and fuzzy, his mind couldn't process anything around him anymore. 

“Father…”

  
  
  
  
  
  


Jongdae threw himself upwards as soon as he gained consciousness. His breathing was heavy and fast, heart pounding almost painfully. He was okay. 

A grunt sounded near him, Baekhyun. He was sleeping soundly next to Jongdae, curling towards the heat he had left behind. 

“I'm definitely crazy.” Jongdae sighed, bringing his hands to clench and unclench at the hair at his scalp. 

“Not really, but you're situation is.” 

It was almost comical how Jongdae had nearly threw himself off the bed from hearing someone respond to his monologue. 

“Ah, sorry, you’re probably a bit jumpy from experiencing those memories, I should've warned you of my presence first.” The voice was warm and concerned. 

Junmyeon. He was now standing at the bedside, holding a position as if he were about to catch Jongdae if he had fell.

“What are young doing here?” 

“Relaying some good news.” He smiled and straightened himself out. 

“It couldn't wait till I went back to our room?” Jongdae pulled himself out of Baekhyun’s covers to stand and converse with his roommate. 

“I don't think life or death situations can wait, Jongdae.” 

Jongdae’s heart and nerves can never catch a break it seemed. Before he got ahead of himself, because there's no way Junmyeon knew about his situation, he applied real life logic to his questioning. “What...are you talking about? Are you exaggerating about something that happened to you? Did Minseok ditch you and your gym plans again?” 

His roommate smiled almost apologetically. “I'm not here about stuff like that. How was your memory trip?”

Waves of emotion crashed onto Jongdae. Sadness towards the memories he had gained, affection for the love he can now remember, and confusion towards Junmyeon who was questioning him about things he shouldn't know about. Jongdae himself didn't know about his being until recently, why would this man before him know? The memories now piecing themselves together in his mind becoming more full and vivid, no longer flickers of moments, were something Junmyeon had no way of knowing. 

“Jongdae, calm down, relax, I can see your mind processing way too much at once for you to handle. Take it all one thing at a time.” 

And he did. He let the memories flow and connect in his mind. The feelings he had felt swelled up in chest and he couldn't believe how deep his love for Baekhyun was. Seeing him stand out in that crowd of people, so much that he had to walk up to him. Constantly meeting him just because he wanted to see him and his smile again and again. The fluttering and embarrassing thoughts and moments he had experienced while finding his way to his love. The dreadful end that remained cold and almost anticlimactic compared to his time with Baekhyun. Jongdae knew he made the right choice choosing Baekhyun now that he remembered their first time.

Shock went through his body, eyes widening as he nearly gasped. He was alive and he remembered.

“It looks like the most important thing hit you.” Junmyeon chuckled. “Good, that makes this easier for me.” 

Now, Jongdae just needed to know what Junmyeon was doing here and how he knew about everything. “Make what easier for you? How do you…?”

Realization flashed in his roommates eyes. “Sorry, I guess I should've explained before my words sounded cryptic. Let's see..I'm an angel, not fallen like Baekhyun. I've known Baekhyun longer than you have, I was actually the one who told him about your reincarnation and the heavens’ deal. I've been appointed as your guardian angel for reasons such as being close to Baekhyun and knowing of your situation. Y’know, normally guardian angels get appointed to different people every time their human passes but I've been stuck with you for a while now.” 

Jongdae thinks that last sentence was meant to be light banter but he doesn't laugh. For one, it wasn't that funny to him but it was mainly due to the fact his brain was soaking up this new information. “Okay. So, why are here right now?” 

“Right! As I said earlier, I come with good news.” Junmyeon’s eyes lit up with excitement. “You may have noticed but you're alive and can remember your first love with Baekhyun.” He waited for Jongdae to nod at his statement before continuing. “Well, the heavens have sent me to solidify the end of this deal.” 

Jongdae felt his heart thump in shock. “You mean…I'm no longer going to die? I can be with Baekhyun?”

“Yes!” His roommate, no, his guardian angel looked genuinely happy for him. 

“Just like that? What's different about this life compared to last ones?” Jongdae really didn't understand why NOW.

“Consent.” 

“Huh?” 

Junmyeon sighed, having to explain things further. “In past lives, Baekhyun always tried to love you and break the curse one sidedly. Your thoughts and opinions on the matter were never known. Actually, in past lives you never even knew of angels at all, let alone that Baekhyun was once one.”

“So, I get to live because I want to be with Baekhyun even knowing what has happened, and what would've happened, to me.” Jongdae wanted to laugh and cry at the same time, it was something as simple as his consent to their love. He wanted shake his heavily sleeping lover awake and shout that they were free.

“Once the heavens knew you were fine with your situation, they let your memories return. But,” Junmyeon hesitated slightly, “there is a catch.”

Jongdae's inner rejoicing stilled. “What's the catch…?”

“You'll need to forget again.” Junmyeon looked pained having to say those words himself, like it was something he would never have chosen to do or say himself. “Not just your first love, but your current as well.”

“What…” Jongdae was dumbstruck. He went through all those deaths to remember only to forget it all over again. “What are you talking about?”

The guardian angel sighed once again, this time apologetically. “The heavens can't have humans knowing about them or angels, Jongdae. It's a precaution of sorts. It won't just be you, though. It'll be Baekhyun as well.”

“What are you saying?” Jongdae blurted out, confused. “They're going to make an angel forget about his own kind? About himself?” Jongdae could hear the conversation’s person of interest move around in his sleep, roused slightly by the rising volume of his voice. He calms himself, not wanting him to know just yet.

“We won't be his kind anymore.” Junmyeon looks at Baekhyun’s sleeping form sadly. “The heavens want to have him become human.” 

“This is crazy.” Jongdae couldn't believe the words being spoken to him. Baekhyun never told him about any of this. “Does Baekhyun know about this?”

Jongdae didn't think Junmyeon’s face could get any more upset, it did. “No.” 

“How could anyone not tell him about this?” How could you?” 

“I didn't know! I was only told when you were gaining your memories back…” Junmyeon shook himself back to the main topic. “Anyway, do you agree with these conditions?” 

“I'm supposed to decide right now? Without Baekhyun?” He really wanted to wake the other now, to get his opinion on this. What if Jongdae made the wrong choice for them?

“You can't wake him.” The guardian angel saw Jongdae reaching for Baekhyun. “This decision is for you to make on your own, without his influence. You're the one who keeps unknowingly dying, so you should be the one who decides the end game.” 

It made sense, it really did, but Jongdae felt distressed having this entire decision up to him. No, it made no sense to hesitate over this now after he made up his mind last night. He wants to be with Baekhyun and he knows the other wants the same. They'll be okay. 

“Okay.” Jongdae saw the confusion on Junmyeon's face and elaborated. “I agree to the terms.” 

“Are you okay with that, Baekhyun?” 

“Of course.” The voice of his boyfriend shocked him more than Junmyeon’s question being directed to Baekhyun. “Did you really think I would choose not to go through with it? After all this time?” 

Baekhyun was pushing himself up into a sitting position, ruffling his hair. He smiled kindly at Jongdae upon seeing his shocked face, then proceeded to laugh sweetly at it. 

“You were awake?” Jongdae honestly didn't know.

“Angels don't sleep.” Junmyeon was the one who answered. “We aren't exactly living so things like sleeping and eating aren't needed.” 

Jongdae only nodded at the guardian's words. What was the point in getting more information on angels when he was going to forget soon? 

“It's a bit...bittersweet this end.” Baekhyun chimed in suddenly. “I lived fighting for our love but neither of us will remember any of it to actually be together.” 

Jongdae's chest tightened slightly at his lover’s statement. Only slightly. “It's okay. I'll always love you.” His own words flustered him for some reason and he spotted Baekhyun smiling widely at Jongdae’s embarrassed blush.

“Me too, I’ll always love you.” 

  
  
  
  
  


Below him he can see and hear innocent chaos being ensued, laughter and music could be heard even if his senses weren't heightened. Hundreds of people, students and non-students alike, were crammed into a decently sized home but he only had his eyes on two in particular. 

“Stop watching this college party.” A chuckle from behind. He turned to see Minseok who inflicted a soft flick to the guardian angel’s forehead. “You're not Jongdae’s guardian anymore, what are you doing here?” 

Junmyeon sighed and pushed Minseok’s teasing hand away. “That may be true but I can't help but want to watch over him as well as Baekhyun. I want them to have their happy ending.” 

“How's your new human?” Minseok asked as a familiar honey blond broke into laughter with his group of friends below them. They seemed like a mischievous bunch that suited the blond.

“He's fine…” Junmyeon hummed watching the black haired student enter the same room as the honey blond. Will they notice each other? The room was pretty crowded. “His life hasn't been in danger yet but I’m caring for him for a reason so all I can do is watch for now.” 

Minseok had nodded, not that Junmyeon saw because he was now very invested in his two subjects of interest. They were as far from each other as can be in that small space and it seemed like today wasn't the day. There's no way to make them notice each other here without interfering and the guardian angel was forbidden from doing so. 

“Stop worrying, Junmyeon. They'll find a way. Oh, see.” In the middle of Minseok trying to assure his friend, the blond had suddenly noticed the other. 

He was staring at the black haired boy, emotions flashing in his eyes. He looked confused more than anything, most likely feeling the pull to the kitten-like smile the other was giving those around him and not knowing why.

“He really spotted him in that crowded room.” Junmyeon exclaimed incredulously. “Maybe fate is a thing. Or maybe Baekhyun's will is amazingly strong.”

Minseok laughed, short and bright. “My bet is on the latter.” 

They lapsed into silence as the blond turned his whole body towards the others direction, continuing to stare. The two watching could see him contemplating if he should really go up to the black haired boy. He was sociable but he wasn't going to just walk up to a stranger without knowing what to say just because he suddenly felt a tug towards him. At the moment, he looked content just watching. No, he wasn't just staring, he was waiting to be noticed. 

And he was. 

The black haired boy had suddenly met his eyes, easily. They widened on contact with the blond’s and just like his, it was filled with emotion. Both of them both took a deep breath at the same time, like it was their first.

“Ah, they're in love.”


End file.
